hopevenessa

Committing to Bangladesh....

2012-02-11T18:52:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine drew this picture and gave it to me after Bangladesh last

year, and I have always placed myself as the turtle in the picture- always

fearful. However, things are about to change and I am proud to say that I am

not letting my fears of the future: a husband, children, missing my family

and friends hold me back anymore. Bangladesh has very much been glued to my

heart, and I decided to apply for the long-term trip which begins this

September. I went through a week of tossing around the thoughts to go, what

I would miss out on here, and what about the other nations I want to go to?

"All In" has been our motto for 2012 and I decided to put my fears aside and

stop waiting around for something to happen and to just go for it. Surfing

the Nations has been so supportive of me, and I am excited to be a part of

them establishing a base there. I will keep you all updated....more to come!

Merry Christmas video from STN

2011-12-19T00:36:00.000-08:00

Christmas Fun 2011 from Surfing The Nations on Vimeo.

The wonderful Joel Schat, visited us a little while back and we used his video skills to make a fun christmas video....it was all done in one take!

I sent this to my mom to remind her what I looked like. She didnt think that joke was very funny at all.

our attempt at a christmas photo shoot...

2011-12-18T12:56:00.000-08:00

when you live with people and work with people....and in the middle of the pacific ocean...this is what your family christmas pictures look like. insert a bag of doritos and some lights and this is what you get....

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas...

2011-12-07T23:38:00.000-08:00

somebody turned 4 today...

2011-11-30T20:27:00.000-08:00

celebrating lei':)

it's time to start bloggin' again......

2011-11-30T10:11:00.000-08:00

wahiawa is great and one of the perks of being a part of the community are all the cute local kids. our community impact team organized a bbq at the apartments down the street and a couple of us were able to go out and hang out with our neighbors and eat some good food (also a perk). it was quite the chilly night, and i learned that it actually gets cold in wahiawa and while complainin' over the weather, a swede told me...."if you were born a swede that wouldn't be a problem." as if i could fix anything about that. i also learned that there is such thing as a blind man's camera, shell and kristin (the couple in the front) are blind and the whole time this picture was being taken he was makin' fun of cobe tellin' him that he doesn't even know how to work a blind man's camera....the camera actually talks and tells you what to do.

the cute little girls pictured above (well, besides me...) are selena and jazminn. selena is a dear and has a big surgery on her vocal chords next week, and jazminn is a big bunch of sass and likes to make you chase her around.

a new day:)

2011-08-19T19:10:00.000-07:00

another glimpse into stn off-time....plus this is a great song:)

some wahiawa lovin'

2011-08-04T00:45:00.000-07:00

God is doing some amazing things in Wahiawa, and I just wanted to take some time and share a little bit of history of where I live and work. When I first flew out to Hawaii, I was asked where I was going and when I answered, "Wahiawa," the lady sitting next to me offered me to go to her place and told me not to go there. Little did I know that God would lead me there several months later. HA! Wahiawa is the gateway to the North Shore, and has been avoided due to the drugs, violence, and sex trafficking that takes place (directly on the street we live on). Most people avoid walking the streets and just last night, I listened to one of our Aunties (who grew up here) share about the gangs that would just walk this street with their guns, this has always been a place where you don't want to tell people you live....and I live right in the center of it, and LOVE IT. so it was pretty exciting when Tom Bauer (founder of STN) pulled out this sign, and our hope is to get more local businesses to sponsor the I LOVE WAHIAWA campaign and show their pride for this town and bringing back the hope of transformation to this community. As we walked over, a couple of the Ulupono kids followed and were so excited and already striking poses in front of it before Tom even had it up. It was adorable to see these kids with the biggest smiles on their faces, pose in front of this sign, and be proud of where they live and the positive change that is happening here. we expect EXTRAORDINARY things for Wahiawa and hope that one day you can come visit and be a part of the change:)

support for bangladesh....

2011-08-02T18:30:00.000-07:00

The countdown to get support for Bangladesh continues.....and for a limited time I will be selling headbands, here is a preview of a few....if your interested in purchasing one, you can email me at venessa.rude@surfingthenations.com and I will post up some more pictures once they are finished. if you would like to help me go, you can donate at www.surfingthenations.com.

baloha!!

support me in going back to bangladesh:)

2011-08-02T00:59:00.000-07:00

the bangladesh team leaves stn in exactly one month, which means that God is going to do a HUGE miracle and blow me away by providing $2,100. i have been selling baloha shirts, headbands, journals, jewelry....and i even made my debut dressed as a Oreo Cookie at the fair taking pictures with kids. my next step, is to ask you, my supporters, friends, and family. please partner with me and surfing the nations and help get me back to bangladesh.

if you are interested you can donate at www.surfingthenations.com and enter "support" and "venessa rude" in the note. any amount of support would work, prayer support or financial support....pray for a miracle....and please be a part of this miracle! i will keep a countdown going til the day of departure.......thank you and baloha!!

how we spend our lunch breaks....:)

2011-07-30T16:23:00.000-07:00

so emily thought it would be fun to teach le'i how to leg wrestle...we each took turns and it was a great way to end our lunch break and i just had to capture it all on video:)

restoration

2011-07-27T17:44:00.000-07:00

still in the process of cleaning out the old porn shop and today we got to put our stn seal on the window. its incredible watching the restoration of this old building and in the last three weeks so much has changed in the building. we have a team from high desert church in victorville, that is volunteering their time to tear down walls, paint, and clean out rooms. last night, we were praying in the corner of a little room (that i had never stepped foot in because it was covered in boxes) during our all-night prayer, and i was dreading praying in the middle of the night because i used to get so spooked in that building and how dark it was. i felt so much light and overwhelmed at all that God has done through people that take the time to come out here and give their sweat and their hearts to the transformation of these buildings and this community.

Video Update......:)

2011-07-22T16:09:00.001-07:00

forgot to post this video up....:)

surfer's cafe

2011-07-19T19:41:00.000-07:00

the grand opening of our surfers cafe was a great success! we kicked it off with our alive art show which included some STN artists doing a live painting and vendors that filled our market. to top it off, we had the pleasure of having Josh Garrels fly all the way out from portland and perform. the coffee lounge was packed and full of warmth and laughter! what formerly was a bar is now a place for people to come and take a break and have a conversation over a cup of coffee or an acai bowl:) looking forward to holding more events in our coffee house, plus its such a great perk walking down the stair of our apartment and having our very own place to get caffeine.

baloha

2011-06-30T00:42:00.000-07:00

working on some new shirts to sell to help me raise support for bangladesh in september. these shirts were created to spark the baloha spirit amongst our communities. baloha fuses together STN Hawaii's island spirit with the warmth of the Bangladesh Surf Club. It comes from the word "aloha" which means hello, love, and life and the bangla word "balo" which means good.

i will be selling the shirts at the alive art show on july 18th (with some other creations). i am also doing mail-orders and if your interested in buying one to help support me in going to bangladesh then you can e-mail me at: venessa.rude@surfingthenations.com and you can either write a check or send money to me through paypal, and send it to hopevenessa@gmail.com or at : venessa rude; c/o surfing the nations; p.o. box 860366; wahiawa, hi. 96786.

the shirts are $20 plus an additional $2 for shipping and handling:) i will post up more pictures soon of the other stuff i made.

aloha!!!!

2011-06-29T14:25:00.000-07:00

forgot to post this up, but thought i would share it now.

we have a live art show coming up in a couple of weeks and i will be selling a few things at it to fundraise my way back to bangladesh:) i will post up some of the stuff this weekend and if your interested in any of the things you can contact me at venessa.rude@surfingthenations.com

our big island adventure trip

2011-06-07T23:47:00.000-07:00

wanted to post some pictures and a video from our sls big adventure trip. we got back last tuesday and jumped into a crazy week of 24 hour prayer. we flew over to the big island and were picked up by some friends that our leaders connected with the last time we were there. they drove us out to the entrance of the hike and three hours later of hiking through lava rocks and a place that looked like mordor from lord of the rings, we arrived at our camp site all set up for us.

we brought a ziploc bag of food in our bags and caught the rest of our food in the water. our friends uncle tony and his son taylor, taught us how to set up a fish net and work as a team in catching the fish. learning how to use the fish net was the highlight for me, but after having fish for just about every meal, we were praying for steak.....in which we were blessed by a guy that we met at a campsite, we invited him over for dinner and he brought over some steak and everyone got two little bites of it!!

the trip was exhausting but so great, we learned a lot about each other and our weaknesses, and you see how desperate people became once they ate their bag of food. i learned a lot about myself and the different ways God can speak to me and through people....and am learning more and more how to love without fear. i only have a little over a month of homework and then i will be done with sls and can pick which department i am in!!!!

here is the video....as you can tell a lot of fish are involved, which meant we also had to learn how to gut and cook a fish properly!!!

after hours....

2011-05-25T12:46:00.000-07:00

i had so much footage from this last week, that it led to this lil' video. it covers our graduation with the interns, after work hours, our local prayer time, and feeding the hungry.

we leave tomorrow for our big sls adventure trip on the big island. we will spend a few days backpacking on the south side of the island, so please pray for our safety and the unity of our team.

in other news, my madre got married this last weekend! dave and her tied the knot at a chapel in vegas, i will have to post some pictures from their special day....i was disappointed i couldn't be there but hope to go home in september for her 50th birthday!

if you could also throw up some prayer for me, its been a rough couple of weeks and i have not been fully present here in my heart, so pray that i would serve wahiawa with my whole heart and for preparation for bangladesh in september!!

the last two weeks......

2011-05-19T11:10:00.000-07:00

so i am trying to be better about making videos every few weeks of stn moments....most of them are on our time off, but i have a little on here from our colors of hope art show (which includes a clip of some of my pictures) and a parade we were in for the pineapple festival for wahiawa. a couple of our ulupono kids hopped in the truck with us and joined us and we all volunteered nd took surveys at the fair. hope to get more of these up:) enjoy:)

big wednesday!

2011-05-10T23:02:00.000-07:00

we do this wonderful thing called "BIG WEDNESDAY" on wednesdays, and a person gets the opportunity to share about something they love or are passionate about for about an hour....so since cinco de mayo was the following day, i decided to do mine cinco de mayo style...pinata and all!! this was the first time for some of our swedes to experience how great a pinata is....here is a video from our day!

our art show...

2011-05-08T03:30:00.000-07:00

so i made this little video on my phone of our art show, wanted to give you a taste of our night!

2011-05-07T20:46:00.000-07:00

our 'ohai ho'ike art show was a hit and not even the rain could keep the people from showing up and the kids from dancing. the bar where we usually meet was turned into a coffee lounge with live music by two of our wonderfully talented interns and our new building that was once a porn shop was transformed to a art gallery and a stage for the kids to perform their tahitian dancing and music. the kids had the biggest smiles as they walked around the walls that displayed their beautiful art. the rooms were crowded and the atmosphere was perfect and we are excited for the recognition our kids got last night. we are stoked for our next event! thanks to everyone who made it out!

a new creation

2011-05-05T02:21:00.000-07:00

who would have thought that an old porn shop could be turned into a place that could hold an art show?! thought i would share the flyer (made by the one and only michaela blom) for one of our upcoming art shows in our new building! our crew has been hard at work, scraping off the paint off windows and floors, re-painting and tearing down and building new walls. its incredible to see how far along the building has come in such a short length of time.

our children's ministry program- ulupono is putting on their 2nd art show to fundraise and show off our talented kiddos. we have all of these artists stepping in to give back into wahiawa's kids! we are so excited about the event, its this friday and the following friday will be our colors of hope art show which benefits bangladesh! i wont jump ahead to that just yet! thought i would post some pictures of the set up and some of the kid's art, and some of our staff is submitting art to the show too. you can compare the pictures above to the pictures below that i took last week! every time i walk in, i see something new!

and i wanted to introduce an extension to our stn family, meet dennis and janet. they are from oregon, and met our group of interns on our outreach in molokai, got excited about what we were doing here and decided to leave oregon for a month and come volunteer their time. dennis has been hard at work doing EVERYTHING for us, and not one complaint comes out of his mouth. janet is the most compassionate woman after God who always had a smile on her face at feeding the hungry and was willing to be another mother to all of us. last night was their last night with us, and they are dearly missed and we are hoping to get them back here:) they are just one of the examples of wonderful people who the Lord has been bringing into our ministry teaching us how to be revolutionary people.

5th Annual Freedom Surf Contest!!!

2011-05-03T15:08:00.000-07:00

We just wrapped up our 5th annual freedom surf contest and it was a huge success! we were so blessed to have some amazing sponsors who were so generous to donate brand new surfboards, paddles, and clothes! the crowd and contestants were great and all of our sun-burned volunteers worked their butts off but still had joyful attitudes!

i was assigned to kid's activities, so we ran the games every hour for the families. we had tug-o-war, water balloon tosses, and a dance-off....it was hilarious watching people! i will be posting up more pictures up soon from the event and the new video that the media team is working on!

what we will be hosting this weekend!

2011-04-29T01:44:00.000-07:00

Freedom Surf Contest 2010 from Surfing The Nations on Vimeo.

Here is a clip of the annual Freedom Surf Contest we are having this weekend in Waikiki! We have been hard at work getting ready for this event so please pray for us!! Its a great ministry outreach and we have some amazing sponsors and prizes!!!

our new building!!

2011-04-27T20:38:00.000-07:00

thought i would share more about the new building we just got. what was formerly the porn shop is now surfing the nations headquarters. it is right next door and we are so excited about the new space we have....it has been quite the extra work but we are cleaning it out and were able to move our offices over and we now have a pantry in there for us, and extra storage for our Feeding the Hungry program. hopefully, now we will have less cockroaches in our apartments now! and now we have more room for staff housing and we will be opening up the building next weekend for the big art show next week for our ulupono program with the kid's artwork! so everyone has been working extra hours but the lack of sleep has been worth it! i cant tell you how much of a blessing/miracle this new building has been and we are praying for wisdom for the best ways we can use this building and give back to our community! here are some pictures of the work so far that is going on, a big chalkboard was donated to us for potential use for a coffee shop we may open someday!! i will post more pictures this week of the work they are doing, and of the upcoming art shows:)

aloha!

2011-04-27T02:28:00.000-07:00

thought i would introduce some of my roomies and our kitchen! we are missing two drawers and luckily, i am far enough away that you cant see the ants and cockroaches:)

we had a graduation for a couple of our interns last thursday night so i will be posting pictures and telling stories more about that later this week. the top picture is from the graduation outside our bar with good ol' fuzz.

and the bottom picture is a familiar sight, who doesn't get tired of a double rainbow?!! and i love that its right over our new building that we are currently fixing up.....im hoping tomorrow to get pictures up of the inside of it:) also i will be adding things to pray for!

its one of our busiest weeks, and we are working the big surf contest all weekend so i am going to get stuff up on here this week since i will be insanely busy this weekend.

welcome to wahiawa:)

2011-04-20T02:54:00.000-07:00

just finished my first week in sls! it was quite the week of busyness and i still am processing all the information that is given to me...and im exhausted!! so this is what a full-time job feels like! we worked on saturday for the food bank, we stood on street corners with orange vests, some people were dressed like spam or dinosaurs and held out nets for cars in order to raise money for the food bank. it was a long weekend, but well worth having monday off and enjoying a wonderful hike with the girls...i will have to post some pictures from that adventure later this week after i have introduced to you my new home!!

so this is wahaiwa...we live on ohai street in that beautiful picture of the apartment complex with the rainbow next to it. all the photos were taken by the talented mike slagter. i live in the room on the top floor on the far right overlooking the great view of a parking lot and shoes hanging from a power line ha!! the bottom picture is the front of our Surfing the Nations headquarters at night. we are the lime green building on the left and we live in the apartment complex right behind it. we use the main room with the windows (it used to be a bar) as our meeting room, we do worship, after school tutoring and programs, surfer's church, and big events in that building! and as of a few weeks ago, that beautiful yellow building in the middle is now ours too!! it used to be a big porn shop, and now it will be used as storage for our feeding the hungry, a pantry for us, offices, and possibly a coffee shop ministry, and meeting rooms! i will write more about that and post pictures of it as we do construction, it has been such a blessing!!

this week i will be posting more pictures of our property so you can see where i live, and i can post pictures of all the programs we are doing so you can get a sense of what we do here and my supporters and prayer partners can see what i do here!! and if you havent gotten a chance check out the video below:) we have another art show coming up for the kids in two weeks!!!!:)

2011-04-15T19:04:00.000-07:00

Wahiawa Is Awesome! from Surfing The Nations on Vimeo.

just wanted to share a video of what God has been doing in wahiawa. i arrived on monday with surfing the nations and my adventure has begun. i have a lot on my plate but im excited to see the growth here.

A NEW CHAPTER.......

2011-04-01T18:47:00.000-07:00

some BIG news: i'm moving to hawaii to work with surfing the nations in a little over a week. so this blog will be used for more updates and hopefully i can keep up with some of my creations on the side.

starting april 14th, i will be joining sls (surfer's leadership school) and committing a year to join staff with stn. after spending the last three months in their internship, i felt God tugging my heart to this next big chapter.

what exactly will i be doing the next three months?

"Surfer’s Leadership School (SLS) is a 3-month program designed to better equip our new staff members as they enter into their commitment to serve with Surfing The Nations. Each student will discover their unique strengths of leadership, team building, and how they can impact their community most effectively. The program involves class discussions, guest speakers, teamwork activities, event planning, and an apprenticeship within STN."

what is surfing the nations?

"Surfing The Nations impacts local and international communities through the sport of surfing and selfless service by meeting needs and changing lives. We live by our motto of “surfers giving back,” and our desire is to see lives changed, of those who we serve, as well as of the individuals within our organization serving. Our hope is that as they learn to love and serve others, they will grow into positions of leadership and maturity themselves.

Locally, we have one of the largest food distribution sites on the island of O’ahu. Feeding The Hungry caters to Hawaii´s needy, disabled, homeless, and working poor populations. We also reach out to at-risk youth in our high school and college outreach programs, and make annual trips to the neighbor islands of Hawai’i, Lana’i, Kaua’i, Maui and Molokai. Internationally, Surfing the Nations makes annual trips to Indonesia, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Israel and Egypt and bring clothing, toys, supplies and the serving surf culture."

i am really excited about this next year, the only thing that has freaked me out about this decision is the fact that now i am a full-time volunteer...which means, i get to raise support. so please be praying for me, and for creative ideas on how to fundraise. my goal is to raise $900 a month. if you would like to support me you can go here and put in the note column that is support for venessa rude. all donations are tax deductible on the website. or you can send checks to the address below. also your prayers would be very much appreciated!!! pray that i surrender my ALL to the lord and to trust his plans for my life. pray for comfort for the times i may get lonely and miss what once was my home. and if you want to write me letters (this would make me so happy!!!), send them also to the adress below:

Venessa Rude
c/o Surfing the Nations
P.O. Box 860366
Wahiawa, HI.96786

top picture: my baptism at pipeline on the north shore. i couldn't have asked for better people to baptize me.

bottom picture: our annual freedom skate contest in moloka'i.

in the works...

2010-06-08T14:00:00.002-07:00

i've got some jewelry shows in the works for the summer, so i will be keeping you updated with when and where. i hope to hit up norcal, socal, and even the armpit of california that is called bakersfield:)

i will be adding a few things to my store to spice up summer wardrobes, but most everything i will make will be saved for the shows.

wedding season:)

2010-05-25T11:53:00.000-07:00

wedding season is here!

i have like 4 weekends of weddings in a row!

love is in the air:)

last weekend, my beautiful friend got married and i was able to do the hairpieces for her bridal besties...here is the finished product and the beautiful bride!!!

a weekend break:)

2010-05-07T12:09:00.000-07:00

this just in.....

2010-05-04T12:50:00.000-07:00

thank you. thank you. thank you.

hair pins. hair pins. hair pins.

2010-04-22T00:52:00.000-07:00

miss these people.

photo taken by janelle cadamia

(she is a wonderful photographer who happens to also be selling her photos for bangladesh, i will get the info and link it soon)

2010-04-15T09:40:00.000-07:00

i am a huge fan of henri nouwen, he was a catholic priest who taught at several theological institutes, lived with the poor in peru, spent time with the trappist monks, and spent the final years if his life with people with mental and physical disabilities at L'arch in Trosly France where people with developmental disabilities live with assistants. he was all about using every single one of his experiences useful to god and others. i am reading through "the inner voice of love," it was his "secret journal" that was written during the most difficult time of his life, where he suddenly lost his self-esteem, his energy to live and work, his sense of being loved, even his hope in God. he had planned on keeping these raw conversation with god a secret until friends asked him, "why keep your anguish hidden from the many people who have been nurtured by your writing? wouldn't it be of consolation for many to know about the fierce inner battle that lies underneath so many of your spiritual insights?" so this morning when i read this, my heart loved.

"there will be a bit ore pain and struggle. you have to dare to live through it. keep walking straight. acknowledge your anguish, but do not let it pull you out of yourself. hold on to your chosen direction, your discipline, your prayer, your work, your guides and trust that one day love will have conquered enough of you that even the most fearful part will allow love (God) to cast out all fear."

oh and i made this last night.......:)

wading.....

2010-04-12T21:53:00.000-07:00

this inspires me today:

"long have you timidly waded holding a plank by the shore, now i will you to be a BOLD swimmer, to JUMP off into the midst of the sea, RISE AGAIN, nod to me, SHOUT! and LAUGHINGLY dash with your hair."

- walt whitman

some new creations, a new mission:)

2010-04-09T18:15:00.000-07:00

i have got some new stuff being added to my etsy store. there is also going to be a bit of a change in the direction it is going. i am hoping to join and serve with surfing the nations in bangladesh in september....and that means i've got to come up with the money to get there. the changes will be that 10% will be donated to invisible children or missions of charity and the other 40% will go to help fundraise my way there. the lord had completely rocked my world and this just came out of the blue....you really should go check out the gum for my boat trailer and after you see the trailer...i am sure will want to go to the website and buy it!! it has more information about what i will be doing...i plan on writing more later about it:) slowly uploading pictures on my etsy since my computer is the slowest:)

thank you again for taking the time to check out my blog.....

the lord is sooooo gooood.

a touch of spring.

2010-03-11T15:57:00.000-08:00

because i think everyone needs to rent this.

2010-02-17T21:55:00.000-08:00

this arrived in my netflix yesterday. i was so anxious to see it....by the middle of the movie i was in tears. it is truly BEAUTIFUL. There are an estimated 40 million widows in India .seriously, consider adding it to your que if you have netflix.

silver lining.

2010-02-12T14:41:00.000-08:00

boo to the rain. please hurry spring.

they are back....

2010-01-25T17:44:00.000-08:00

these sold out at the shows...and i am just getting time to make some more.
more colors on the way:)

phoenix, here i come.

2010-01-21T21:46:00.000-08:00

2010-01-20T19:01:00.000-08:00

officially moved in and unpacked....just avoid looking at the mess and the empty cardboard boxes in my car. so its time to pull out my box o' crafts and start some new stuff!!

and if you haven't read Half the Sky by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn then you should probably go to amazon.com and buy it...its on sale for over half the price!

some pink.

2010-01-07T20:55:00.000-08:00

i have been on a bit of a break from any sort of creativity for the next week....moving is consuming my whole life. i decided that from now on, i am only making friends with people who own trucks.
however, there are just a couple of things i added a few days ago....

i hate moving. grr.

2009-12-24T17:34:00.000-08:00

so remember the shoes and the hair clip i made that were inspired by sense and sensibility....well here they are again! doesn't my room-mate look gorgeous?!!

the best christmas gift ever....

2009-12-19T00:07:00.000-08:00

i cannot explain the joy in my heart when i saw this. my darling friend meredith used a couple of my pictures for school and told me that she was going to paint the above picture for me. i was in complete shock at the finished product...i probably almost peed my pants...isn't my friend so talented?!!! i can't wait to hang this on my wall! i still can't believe that this is for me!!! if you ever want custom paintings head over to her blog and drop her a note!!

this makes me sooo happy!

if jessie and gracie read this...doesn't it just capture her spirit???!!

christmas flavor...

2009-12-07T15:37:00.000-08:00

caffeine. caffeine. caffffeeiinnne.

2009-12-02T13:01:00.000-08:00

i didn't go to bed last night.
my body seems to trick me into thinking it needs caffeine and when i give myself caffeine...well it doesn't hit til about 10pm. so i thought...why not stay up the whole night and finish working on stuff for the trunk show tomorrow?! i have to be up at 3am anyways to head to work.
and thats just what i did.
lets see how long i make it today on pure momentum?!!
here is a preview of some of the stuff that will be at the trunk show tomorrow....and shortly after will be added to my etsy:)

part 2 of the jane austen lovers.....

2009-11-19T17:36:00.000-08:00

after making the shoes, i had to make a matching hair piece. i made previous others, and this was our winner! since she doesn't get married til next weekend, i will have to wait to post the pictures of the beautiful bride:)

for the jane austen lovers.....

2009-11-17T16:44:00.000-08:00

one of my roomies is getting married next weekend and she came home with some shoes a while back that she got for 10 bucks and asked me to do something with them. here is the end result: satin, toole, and feathers. let's just say i spent a lot of time watching jane austen movies and most of the inspiration from them came from what i think marianne might have worn when she married kernal brandon. yes, i am that cheesy girls who knows every character by heart. yes, i wish i lived in that time and wore all their clothes. i also made her a matching hair piece that i will have to post tomorrow when i have more time:)

2009-11-13T17:25:00.000-08:00

the brother graduated from training today. my mom sent me this picture via phone text message, it made work even more unbearable. i SO BADLY wish i could have been there. i SO WISH that little brothers stayed little brothers and didn't grow up and go away.
so proud of him.
so missing him.

looking back....

2009-11-10T21:16:00.000-08:00

"Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt."
-kurt vonnegut

pink. pink. pink.

2009-11-08T21:32:00.001-08:00

the fam visited this weekend so i had a bit of a break from working on everything i was supposed to be doing. this pink rose was the only thing i did.....
...well that, and eat a lot of sweet potato fries. when say a lot, i actually mean just about every single meal consisted of sweet potato goodness as my side. so bad, and yet so good.

the gracie headband.....

2009-10-22T17:45:00.000-07:00

my good ol' friend colleen got one of my headbands and i am oh so fond of her new haircut and color. doesn't this make you want to chop your hair off???!!!!

the benefits of storms....

2009-10-14T17:08:00.000-07:00

im sure you have all heard of the big storm that passed through northern california yesterday. it hit us hard, luckily we regained electricity after 6 hours (some people still dont have showers)...but when all you want is a good cup of hot tea and you go to boil water, and realize..."oh wait, we dont have power!!" we even watched a branch fly off of our tree and land in our yard, we were quite entertained by people running to their cars with the wind playing tug-a-war with their umbrellas. needless to say i was miserable for a while and yet i had plenty of time to work on some creations, some stuff i just got prepped while i wait for supplies...but come this weekend i will update a whole lot of stuff on my etsy:) quite a few of the items sold will also be added back too!

.............

2009-10-11T22:26:00.000-07:00

back at home:) working on some more jewelry to add on this week.
i can't thank people enough for all the support and encouragement...i plan on adding up the amount at the end of the month and after costs are taken out, sending the money away to help others:) i have been so excited over the response of people wanting to donate that i want to stay up all night and make stuff to sell and give....the problem with that: the lack of heat in my workspace in the garage could lead to pneumonia. i may have to invest in a mini space heater.

p.s. if you see an item you want in the sold items just e-mail me or message me at hopevenessa@gmail.com and let me know and i can custom make one for you. thank you:)

some new fall designs.....

2009-10-03T14:59:00.000-07:00

the only necessary thing...

2009-09-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

its time to reflect on my time in india. while i was there, my friend jayne recommended me a book to use on my quiet time by henry nouwen. its called, "the only necessary thing," and its a a compilation of parts of his books on prayer. most of it focuses on solitude, while i would say that it home there...its digging deeper here. my solitude was enriching in india. it amazes me how you can be surrounded by the sound on honking horns, people coming in and out of your room speaking a different language then your own, and an unfamiliar world just waiting to be explored and yet your in that quiet place just taking life in. while i am here, i find myself struggling for breath and thinking about what i can get done in my one free hour of the day in order that i can get at least 5 hours of sleep before i get up and go to work again. most of my free time goes to attempting to open up my bible, journal, book, or laptop...and falling asleep in minutes. this spoke to my heart in india...and it is resting on my heart now

"In solitude, we can slowly unmask the illusion of our possessiveness and discover in the center of our own self that we are not what we can conquer, but what is given to us . In solitude we can listen to the voice of him who spoke to us before we could speak to a word, who healed us before we could make any gesture to help, who set us free long before we could free others, and who loved us long before we could give love to anyone. It is in this solitude that we discover that being is more important than having, and that we are worth more than the results of our efforts. In solitude we discover that our life is not a possession to be defended, but a gift to be shared. It's there we realize the healing words we speak are not just our own, but are given to us; that the love we can express is a part of greater love; and that the new life we bring forth is not a property to cling to, but a gift to be recieved. In solitude we become aware that our worth is not our usefulness."

i need my solitude. i need to be willing to make the sacrafice to give up my shower for the day (or couple of days, if you know me), give up one more hour asleep and be willing to let the lord take this yoke called kolkata. my heart is aching in more ways than i can explain and i need solitude to le His healing words cover my heart. i don't feel like my time is through there...and i yearn for more....

p.s pray for my dear friends rachel and gracie. they are still in kolkata serving at missions of charity. gracie has come done with a parasite in her stomach and hasn't been feeling well.

home.

2009-08-25T17:43:00.000-07:00

"do not hesitate to love and to love deeply."
henri j. m. nouwen

i love.
i love india.
i love my sisters in africa.
love aches.

trying to process calcutta...i really have no words.

what wonders...

2009-07-28T05:47:00.000-07:00

a
m
back from nepal. it was such a relief to be back in calcutta. i have made this place my home and its odd the things that you miss when your away for just a few days. the sounds of the honking of cars that never actually stops. the smells of curries, chai, and trash that surround every one of your senses. the smiles of the the man selling bags who shakes your hand every time you step in and out of the gate of our hotel. the never ceasing asking, "would you like to stay and have some chai?" from the young men in the alley who have a store full of the most colorful clothes. i missed very single second of it...and i am not even gone yet...tomorrow morning i will wake up, rush a early breakfast of mixed juice (which is to die for) and porridge with bananas, grab a taxi and head to the airport to begin my flight home.
last night i lay in bed and reminisced every detail of the children's faces and personalities at shishu bhavan with one of the other volunteers who served with me at shishu bhavan. it was so good having that last friend at my hostel who would not get tired of the stories and feel the same aches of love for the people here. this place is beautiful. go to india. it will change your life.

saying goodbyes

2009-07-22T01:06:00.000-07:00

today was my last day at shishu bhavan. so that means i got to take pictures of the kids. they are so wonderfully perfect. we stared off the morning watching the solar eclipse and walked to the mother house. i am so sad today.

ouch

2009-07-20T04:08:00.000-07:00

itchy. itchy. itchy bed bugs.

all is well. (from yesterday)

2009-07-18T07:36:00.000-07:00

it is still quiet since the strike. i almost wish i there was always a strike. i feel like a lot happened today...so here were the highlights...in order....
-we saw a baboon on the roof of the hostel next to us. it was so close and so cool. it escaped the jungle and came to say hello early in the morning. almost peed myself,we have been wanting a monkey to drop out of every tree.
-we sang happy birthday to one of the sister's who turned 93 today! can you believe it?!! they also sang amazing grace to her and it was beautiful...she had a feather boa on over her sari. the cutest thing.
-when we arrived to shishu bhavan, all the kids were looking extra adorable in fancy dresses and play-clothes. they were celebrating some birthdays. so we had a birthday party and dance party with all the children. half of them were asleep with party hats...but it was just the sweetest thing to celebrate with kids who don't even understand and still recognize how special they are.
-we went to mcdonalds. i hate that pplace...but it was the best meal ever. nd we had a very COLD ice creamcone there! and then it made my tummy hurt but so worth it.
-we went to a very historical indian cemetary that was breathtaking and so peaceful.
-and again...we saw a monkey!!!!!!!

a/c

2009-07-16T22:04:00.000-07:00

thursdays are the day of prayer for the sisters at the mother house so they give all the volunteers a day off. since some of us are nerds and love harry potter, we decided to go see it at the cinema here. after a good traffic jam we arrived to the taj mahal of malls, it just comes out of the nowhere and we felt so under-dressed walking in...you have to walk through security to go in and it was 4 floors. the higher caste of people are the only ones who are allowed to go in so it was a bit mellow. however, they had toilets and a/c...so we were pretty giddy about that. before the movie they have everyone stand up in their assigned seating and do the national anthem. it was quite the experience...your locked in the the cinema..all but for the intermission when people come in and sell you popcorn. we thought it would be quite the memory to say we saw harry potter in india and only paid like 3 bucks in american dollars.

we asked people what was going on, and they said it was a protest...we heard stories of past protests from or friend that is here so we made sure to get out of the way and hurry home. when we walked into our hostel, the manager was watching the television and the news was on showing the street we were on and all these buses on fire. a total of 15 buses were set ablaze yesterday, we were told that today is the other side of the party's turn to protest and that meant that everything would be shut down, buses, taxi, metro, food, stores...however, this one restaraunt would stay open on our street so we could eat. when i woke up this morning, it was so quiet and calm, we are hoping it remains this way the rest of the day...and hopefully all will e peaceful and settled. since metros and buses were closed down, volunteers couldn't make it to their destinations to work at.

and it rains...

2009-07-15T01:15:00.000-07:00

there have been some changes. the rains are pouring down now...we have quite a walk home from the mother house and we basically looked as though we stepped in a shower with all of our clothes on. the puddles are starting to get deeper to step in and our clothes are becoming so heavy to walk in...i managed to rip my pants open and had to tie an apron around the back and my scarf around the front to hold up my pants in the rain. as crazy as the downpour is, we are all just giggling at the pleasure of getting wet and feeling cooled down.

we said goodbyes to some new friends at our hostel last night and goodbye to some volunteers at shushu bhavan. we have met some of the most beautifully amazing people and i want to be selfish and have the stay til it is time for us to leave. so many different people with different backgrounds and yet all wanting to serve.

there is no longer a hesitaion in not knowing what to do at shishu bhavan. and if there is the volunteers are really good at hiding it (haha). we are all becoming so familiar with each of the kids needs and history and are able to care for them at our best and not be told what to do as much. the children really are little angels. we learned the history of one of the children today. he has hydrocephalus (water on the brain) and they found him abandoned on the street and he was oly 1 month old. the doctors gave him only a month to live so everyone took extra amounts of time holding him and cradling before his time. during the christmas play, they had him play baby jesus...a month later he was still okay...then months and now at 2 years old he is feisty and learning to walk...they named him angelo because he was their little angel who they didn't think would make it. we found out that the longest these kids make it is til age 18...when the sister told us this i looked over at my friend elyse and we both just lost it, it breaks me knowing these kids will spend most of their lives suffering and yet it makes me so joyful to look around the room and see people just loving these kids to heaven.

pray for strength (physically and emotionally). we all seem to be coming down with some symptons of sickness.

shishu bhavan

2009-07-13T00:47:00.000-07:00

the sun came out today and a couple of us were able to do laundry. at shishu bhavan (the house we volunteer at) the women use the whole roftoop to spread out cloth diapers and the children's clothing. it is funny how the most simple thing can look so beautiful. there is so much work to be done behind the scenes at these houses and i am in awe at the organization and schedules with the kids. the time and care in making sure the kids are getting loved on and cared for. it has been so hard to watch the kids screaming because they just don't want food and yet knowing that they need it to get better and grow. i have nver seen such tiny legs and arms, i have never seen more love in a room before then when a room is full of volunteers doing whatever they can to make these children feel comfortable and loved.

we have all felt a bit beat lately, the tiredness is kicking in, the sore muscles, injuries, just spent lately...but it has been so worth it.

being humbled...

2009-07-12T03:02:00.000-07:00

do not wear flip-flops during monsoon season. all the dodging of puddles, people, and trash have led to some foot injuries...luckily i have a friend who is willing to do the dirty work that i couldn't do on my own foot. i never thought that such a thing could be so annoying to deal with here....

monsoon season does have its perks....it is quite possibly one of the most refreshing things when the heavens open and just spill drops of coolness on your sweaty face. i don't think i have ever appreciated rain more!

namaste

2009-07-11T08:26:00.000-07:00

we spent our first day volunteering at the mother house today. we all are spread out at different houses so it is wonderful to hear stories through out the community here. we spent this morning at mass with the sisters (beautiful !!)...its at 6am and from there they feed us a banana, chai, and a piece of bread and we are off to our houses. i am sorry i am not putting much pictures up, we are not allowed to take pictures at the mother house until it is our last day, and even then it would be hard to do since we are working. i am still working up the courage to pull my camera out on the street...mostly i take pics of the people i know or just where we are staying. we have had quite the day and all are fully clothed in our colorful indian attire and alladin pants (which are soo comfortable!). i woke up this morning and didn't want to leave to come back home...even though we still have so much time and a shower, toilet, and a bed without bed bugs would be nice.

india!!!!

2009-07-09T20:05:00.000-07:00

we are here. hotel maria has become our new home for the next couple of weeks. i think almost every day somebody points out that we feel like we are in the jungle book. i will write more tonight...the lord is so good.....

a stitching we will go....

2009-06-06T21:37:00.000-07:00

working on some more sweatshirts to sell for india....i officially have $600 more dollars to raise....im almost there, thanks to all of you:)

fear {lately}

2009-06-04T21:44:00.000-07:00

"Why am I afraid to dance, I who love music and rhythm and grace and song and laughter? Why am I afraid to live, I who love life and the beauty of flesh and the living colors of the earth and sky and sea? Why am I afraid to love, I who love love?"


[Be] daring enough to be different, humble enough to make mistakes, wild enough to be burnt in the fire of love, real enough to make others see how phony [you] are.
~Brennan Manning~

just because....

2009-04-10T21:14:00.000-07:00

this is why i love my life. these moments. they make my life. to be a child and have not a care in the world but the current moment. not tomorrow, or the next day. just right now.

up and at em'

2009-04-08T11:09:00.000-07:00

check my store.....this was the favorite of the few i did....and i have many more:)

sometimes...

2009-04-05T14:57:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling so blank and full of muted tones. I've been stuck in a muck. The truth is we all ache. We all have growing pains and wonder if we are okay and enough + loved. The thing is - we are. Really. We are enough without all the things we buy to make us much more than we are or need to be. I learn and relearn that silence doesn't protect me. An unexpressed life is very painful to myself and those I love. Dont love halfway. I am learning that loving all the way can ache and sting, but loving halfway doesn't keep me safe. It leaves me with sadness and a hope that could never live outloud. I've been consumed with all this living up to something to 'be something'. Express something! We have such a longing to be understood and loved by the other. Why? Can't it be just this now? Without armor and the shield. Just myself. My vulnerability protects me, not tight control. I hope to love with an open hand and a slow trusting stride. I believe that loving fearlessly is the bravest thing in this world. It's not loving without fear. It's loving fearlessly, courageously [love truly] to be afraid and leap regardless. There is such power in that. I think that relates to all parts of living your life. I think what you felt unlived and unexpressed in love, hurts the most. I wish to commit to grow younger, to let go of my fear as I learn about love . To allow all to be felt there is still so much newness and wonder to feel. Bless the not knowing. Telling my truth in love is like exposing the underside of my wings, we see that part only when we fly.
(sabrina ward harrison)

more.more.more.

2009-03-30T19:12:00.000-07:00

working on sweatshirts to sell for india...hopefully they will be up in the next couple of days.

.......

2009-03-26T10:29:00.000-07:00

...i thought i would share a silly story with you all....it is a day in the life of me and has to do with the creations on the left (the turquoise and coral one to be exact). so i am a bit addicted to kambucha, and last week our whole foods opened up and they have kombucha on tap! i was all about this! i drink it to avoid getting sick at the wee hours of the night when im working on a piece of jewelry...and lately its been chilly in the garage, so i bring in my tools from there and work on the kitchen table. MOST OF THE TIME, i avoid having any type of food or drink on the table, because it seems that when i cut pieces of wire, they tend to fly around me like fireworks...but this time i was thirsty, avoiding a cold, and just wanted to get that dang piece done before i went to bed and i take a big sip of my kombucha swallow an odd thing that shouldn't be in there and then proceed to take a sterling silver jump ring out of my mouth. not only am i learning how to make new things with my creations, i am also swallowing them....my lesson has been learned, especially after i could feel it in my throat the rest of the night. the end.

p.s. i am driving up to roseville later tonight to visit ali (http://penelopea.blogspot.com/). its just a day, but i am so excited to get away for the day.

p.s.s. read A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry. it is about the outcasts of india who have learned "to maintain a fine balance between hope and despair." it is a beautiful piece of work.

more to come...

2009-03-25T17:01:00.000-07:00

and just because im loving this:

"I must learn to love the fool in me--the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool." -- Theodore I. Rubin, MD

looking ahead...india.

2009-03-17T22:38:00.000-07:00

my etsy store will no longer be empty tomorrow. it will be filled with some of these lovelies. creations that will help pave the way to serving with an amazing team at the sisters of charity in calcutta. this is our hope:

"We are striving to express the complex inward workings of love through simple outward actions of consideration - washing clothes for someone, holding a person’s hand as their bedside companion, sharing stories together. Small things, felt large."

so many projects, so little time.

2009-02-09T13:19:00.000-08:00

i should have probably written more of our move, but i hate moving...so i will skip to the settling in. i feel as though we have so much to do still, but mainly my room is done (aside from random projects that are lying around) and my next space of the house i have been working on is a lil' venessa space in the garage that i like to call my working area. so far, i have yet to do any work in it. my reasons: its cold (maybe i should invest in a snuggie), i have to transfer my craft boxes downstairs (they are heavy and disorganized), and it doesn't feel at home yet.
so today, i am making myself time to make it my place. first order of business, finish my cork-board with pictures and people who inspire me or take me to that happy place. i got embroidery, buttons, and wire...i am just going to go at it. And because i have this addiction to incorporate every part of my life with a book that i love, i just had to pick this passage to be the theme that tied all the pictures together. let's see if i actually get this thing done today.

"And so there would always be more to remember that could no longer be seen. This is one of the things I can tell you that I have learned: Our life is in some way marginal to our own doings, and our doings are marginal to the greater forces that are always at work. Our history is always returning to a little patch of weeds and saplings with an old chimney sticking up by itself. And I can tell you a further thing that I have learned, and here I look ahead to the resting of my case: I love the house that belonged to the chimney, holding it bright in memory, and I love the saplings and the weeds."
~Wendall Berry (Jayber Crow)

overdue.

2009-01-24T14:49:00.000-08:00

yesterday, melinda was so gracious to me and took an extra trip to the post office (which is now out of the way, rather then a breezy walk)...in order to pick up a little something for me. i have been wanting to do something to store all my memories of my family in africa, and after exploring snapfish, this little gem had me at hello.
i realized that i was more of a perfectionist then i thought, and had to drop my stubborn ways and just make the book, and love it for the meaning rather than the appearance. nothing can echo my time there and my memories. so here is the finishing product. i am quite pleased...snapfish loved me good!!!!

i should be packing.

2008-12-28T22:57:00.001-08:00

i have been attempting the impossible these last two days. trying to pack up our entire house and yet make it look tidy and welcoming to guests who will be staying with us our last days in this beautiful home. i promise i am packing and not sitting on my computer blogging away. in a way, i need this to distract me from allowing myself to pull away from the emotional attachment i have to this place. as much as i have moved, you would think that i would know how to do this. however, this house broke my "non-commital" stride, and has been the longest relationship i have had with a home in over a decade.
we all have those things that are hard for us to pack away, even if it is for a few weeks. the sight of them makes us feel at home, or makes us think of someone, memories that we hold on to. if we put them in a box, we risk getting them smashed, broken, or maybe even forgotten. i realized that i have too many of those things in my little ol' room that might just have to stay in their special place til it is time to part from the shelter of these redwoods. the garland you wore on your head 20 years ago at your parent's wedding, the stuffed animal that you pretend you still don't sleep with in order that people don't make fun of you, the wine cork from that time you were with that boy who would later come to break your heart, your grandmother's bible that you gave her for her birthday is now back in your care, and then you get to the pictures....oh the pictures, i can't even go there ha.
so i guess, this is an ode to the place that once was a home for these love, i have a feeling this won't be the last. i mean really, two years is a long time in venessa years.

p.s. i am lame and don't own a picture of our casa, so thanks to dan's flickr...here is our porch.

let it snow.

2008-12-27T01:07:00.000-08:00

it is funny how our priorities change as we grow older every christmas. i remember laying in bed anxiously awaiting the arrival of santa and actually thinking i could hear his reindeer land on our roof. the night seemed to drag on, and when the sun came up, i was pounding on my parent's door and already at it to see what was in store for me under the christmas tree. i remember marveling over the mystery that he could figure out when we were at my grandparents and how he would slide down that tiny chimney.
now my body grows tired and i sleep deep the night before christmas...there is only A parent, and she is the one pounding on my door trying to get me to open presents. there is no fireplace, no grandparent's house in the snow, and i tend to want to watch people open their gifts, rather than open my own.
at first, i get sad when i think of this change...when i think of all the changes that have brought on a different christmas. i thought of these changes on the drive home from denny's on christmas eve, and before i let myself let those thoughts lead to tears, i felt a sparkle. for the first time in over 10 years i spent christmas eve with my dad, it may have not been in the most classy of circumstances, and i may have been the initiator, but he still showed up at 10pm christmas eve and met me at denny's and i enjoyed every moment and awkward silence. earlier that night, i spent the evening with my aunt who is spending the third christmas without my uncle. though we have the confidence that he is in a better place, it gets hard to open your christmas presents by yourself in the morning, or wrap presents for a grandchild who resembles him in every way that he never got a chance to know. by the time i pulled up to my house and saw my mom's car in the driveway, i was glowing. every year she goes out of her way to make up for the years before, and makes a big feast and just spills her love on my brother and i. these changes have led to good things, my heart is overflowing with love for my mother, when i might have overlooked her before for an iphone, a fancy camera, or a cabbage patch doll under the tree. i soak in my times with my aunt, knowing that life is fragile, and in a blink of eye she could be gone. i treasure the minutes with my dad, whether we spend christmas eve in denny's or taco bell. i have come to learn that the presence of those i love is present enough in my life.
p.s. yup thats my grandpa, ernie rude.

if you forget me

2008-11-09T17:07:00.000-08:00

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine

(Pablo Neruda)

it is finished.

2008-10-28T12:37:00.000-07:00

"and when i am old, and my body has begun to fail me, my memories will be waiting for me. they will lift me and carry me over mountains and oceans. i will hold them and turn them and watch them catch the sunlight as they come alive once more in my imagination. i will be rich and i will be at peace."
-kent nerburn-

there is this picture i have that is so dear to my heart. it embodies my hope for my life and what i anticipate to come. it was and still is my most cherished afternoon, and i can still hear the giggles and the gasps as she jumped higher and higher every time. i have this picture framed in my room, it encourages me in those dark times. i have been wanting to do something with this image, paint it, sketch it...but seeing that i can't do any of those things i skipped over those plans. i just wanted it to have more meaning behind it, so i chose to make it out of ripped/broken scraps of paper. and piece together the image of ndamangululwa jumping off the chair. it was quite a messy project and took a decent amount of time to wash the glue and paper stuck to my hands and clothes. however, in the mess and in the broken pieces t made something beautiful and meaningful (at least to me). i am these ripped and broken pieces and yet i am becoming this work of art. i used some text from the book letters to my son by kent nerburn, he has this beautiful chapter on travel and the lessons we learn in giving ourself over to the unknown. i thought at first of using the pages from my journal and that was just a little to personal for me, so instead i tea stained the paper and made it match the pages of my journal and just collected whatever stood out to me the most and wrote it down. it is not as i intended, but for now, it hangs in our hallway and reminds me of that afternoon and the hope and freedom we have in christ.

part of the fabric.

2008-10-27T16:59:00.000-07:00

"you will realize that the possibilities of this world are endless, and that beneath the differences of languages and culture we all share the dream of loving and being loved, of having a life with more joy than sorrow. i believe it is worth taking the risk. how else will you know the feeling of standing on something ancient, or hearing the silent roar of empty spaces? how else will you be able to look at the eyes of a man who has no education, never left his village, and does not speak your language, and know that the two of you have something in common? how else will you know that the whole world is precious and that every person and place has something unique to offer?"

-kent nerburn

for grace.

2008-10-10T21:06:00.000-07:00

i have spent the last two nights laying awake reflecting on moments like these. i tried to bring them back by preparing my chakalaka mixture of soup and made the mistake of eating it alone. it needed something...maybe a handful of sand or mostly the companionship of three wonderful girls who are too far away. i am longing for someone to talk to, not in the form of an e-mail, letter, or phone-call. they are always on my thoughts, those quiet moments when you just zone off and people thing your spacing out...i am entering their world, longing to hear their hearts. i could spend endless hours sharing about them...and i hope to spend time with the very person who connected me to them in a week. it amazes me, the mysterious ways of our lord...i am so anxious, eager, overjoyed at this (hopeful) upcoming occasion. until then, i am going back to what is left of my moments with them....
so you have to tilt your head to watch....hahaha.

su blackwell

2008-09-24T17:13:00.000-07:00

i am a book nerd. so when my google reader introduced me to su blackwell, i wasn't the least surprised that i would fall in love with her work. i would give up a limb to own one of her pieces. just the other day, my dear friend meredith was discussing the art of making sculptures, and her current projects in the making. i became obsessed with the concept of making something so extraordinary out of practically anything. i look forward to seeing more of her works. here is her statement from her website (http://www.sublackwell.co.uk)

Paper has been used for communication since its invention; either between humans or in an attempt to communicate with the spirit world. I employ this delicate, accessible medium and use irreversible, destructive processes to reflect on the precariousness of the world we inhabit and the fragility of our life, dreams and ambitions.

It is the delicacy, the slight feeling of claustrophobia, as if these characters, the landscape have been trapped inside the book all this time and are now suddenly released. A number of the compositions have an urgency about them, the choices made for the cut-out people from the illustrations seem to lean towards people on their way somewhere, about to discover something, or perhaps escaping from something. And the landscapes speak of a bleak mystery, a rising, an awareness of the air.

if this doesn't make you want to go to prague.

2008-09-19T00:54:00.000-07:00

so after talking about the wonders of traveling and the desire to go to prague, my wonderful annie showed me this. not only do i love the song, but do you see that gorgeous dress with the ruffles? it is worth the cost of your ticket there. but aint it beautiful, and almost worth it a little. and it would go perfect with one of these new lovely creations from chelsea at her blog: http://ohmydeerhandmades.blogspot.com/2008/09/new-for-you.html

some dangle

2008-09-15T15:15:00.000-07:00

just finished working on some new pieces today. i started with the necklace, and decided i wanted similar earrings too. i like anything with dangle these days. i will be adding them to my etsy store. i even made myself one:)

and she keeps singing...

2008-09-14T12:17:00.000-07:00

i have a current new love at the moment, its this wonderful little paperback called , "letters to my son." i do realize this particular book is addressed as advice to a young man, but it has these little gems that i can't get enough of. i really just wish that if i would've had a father growing up, these are things that i would have liked him to say to me...

"To be a real traveler you must be willing to give yourself over to you must believe totally in the lives of the people and the places where you find yourself, even if it causes you to lose faith in the life you left behind. you need to share with them, participate with them. sit at their tables, go to their streets. struggle with their language. tell them stories of your life and hear the stories of theirs. watch how they love each other, how they fight each other. see what they value and what they fear. feel the spaces they keep in their lives. become part of the fabric of their everyday lives and you will get a sense of what it means to live in their world. give yourself over to them-embrace them rather than judge them- and you will find that the beauty i their lives and their world will become part of yours. when you move on, you will have grown.
...Remember to be gentle with yourself and others. We are all children of chance, and none can say why some fields will blossom while others lay brown beneath the August sun. Care for those around you. Look past your differences. Their dreams are no less than yours, their choices in life no more easily made.
And give. Give in any way you can, of whatever you possess. To give is to love. To withhold is to wither. Care less for your harvest than for how it is shared, and your life will have meaning and your heart will have peace.”

i feel like such a selfish person these days. i am so demanding, and i always want more. and when i get what i want, i realize that i never wanted it in the first place. i feel like the lord is telling me over and over again, what are you doing for me? i feel so small and yet he used the ordinary to do extraordinary things. it was so easy being in a place where you had nothing but your heart to give. i had no desire for anything else but to love him and his children. today i want to protect my heart, i want to run away from anything that could potentially break me and hide. by doing that, i am not allowing the lord to fill me when i am broken...and those are the times i grow the most. i am in no way living the life he has called me to live, and yet i am going to try.

and seriously....read this book. it will inspire you!!

a page is turned.

2008-08-27T13:40:00.000-07:00

i am enjoying being back home again. it also helps that i am surrounded by the most beautiful surroundings. as much as i miss the desert sands, i love the trails that reveal the majesty of mount hermon. i walked over to the conference center and had the privilege to listen to one of my favorite artist, derek webb. he was giving a song and storytelling workshop, and i was able to sneak in the back and listen to him perform. what i like about him, is that he gets to the very heart of the church, and he doesn't candy-coat it. he spoke of the richness of the first few chapters in genesis...the time and care that was put into creation, everything belongs to him, we are his masterpieces. i walked away feeling so inspired by his words. in what ways am i artistically portraying who i am and who my savior is? i am a piece of art, and art inspires people...and if so what do people see when they look at me? everything we do is an act of art, whether we draw, sing, take pictures, run fast, or speak well. i am a reflection of my creator and am holding back who i am to risk the world judging me or hurting me?

so these next couple of months, i hope to find my reflection and give back to Him. whether that be in me just loving people, or making/selling a tank top that in return will give to those who are less fortunate.

p.s. might i add how awkward it is to have derek actually come sit next to me in the middle of typing this blog. i probably looked like such a creeper.

back in california.

2008-08-14T09:36:00.001-07:00

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom i trust."

-Psalm 91:1-2

i got to sleep in my very own bed last night. an actual mattress and down comforter, and i could hear nothing but the world sleeping. i miss the sound of the crickets and the buzzing mosquitoes. i miss being cold and hearing the chickens fighting on the roof. but mostly, i miss hearing the words, "sleep well, butterfly," or the prayers of three dearly beloved children who love God so much. i miss that world, i miss the companionship. i already feel so lonely in a place where i am surrounded by people who love me so much. so much of my heart is there, it missed it's flight.

a day of rest

2008-08-06T02:35:00.000-07:00

i think jessie worded it best:
http://meditationsofawallflower.blogspot.com/

full of hope

2008-08-05T01:19:00.000-07:00

"Let us conquer the world with our love."

-Mother Teresa

it is hard to believe that we leave a week from today. sometimes i lay in bed, and it feels like i am not really here. what a blessing it has been to actually be walking on this soil, to feel the african sun on our skin, and to smell these peculiar smells. i can't thak you all enough for helping and nudging me along the way.

the baby haven was a bit more quite yesterday. the older children were at school, so that left us with festus, ahmedila, and baby grace. they were all napping when we got there, that was until festus saw us and refused to go back to sleep. he is still so weak and is always mumbling for water. he gets frightened so easily by loud noises and he has a hard time bringing the cup of water to his mouth. my heart aches for him, and his future. however, ahmedila was crazy today and would just burst out in happy shrieks. he was quite the handful, but i love seeing the joy in his little, chubby face.

after some chaos with our cameras, jessie and i decided it was best to maybe not bring them again today. the young girls got a little carried away with them and it distracted them from actually watching the children. these girls are so young and basically go to school and then live at the baby haven....it is not everyday that you see 10 to 13 year old girls carrying the responsibilities that they do everyday. they sleep there, and yet there is no bed in site. i feel bad for them and wish that i could give them more. we have one more day tomorrow and then we had back up north to see my girls.

a bit of a break.

2008-08-04T03:11:00.000-07:00

we had a bit of relief when we arrived at the baby haven and the kids were less brutal. there were a couple of more children playing, some were neighbors that come visit, but one was dropped off by the police. they found him waundering the streets barefoot, and brought him to the baby haven in hopes that maybe his parents would call and they could bring him back home. this seems to happen a lot here, sometimes the parents know they are sick and their children can't be cared for, so they let them waunder off.

today we were able to learn a little more about the history of the baby haven, it is run by this fabulous woman named, Lulu. some of the kids were brought as babies and our little festus was brought with his brother, who died just this last year. when we arrived, we could immediately sense something was wrong with festus. he was very weak, had a hard time breathing, and couldn't even feed himself. jessie tried to egt him to finish his yogurt, but other kids came along and tried to eat it too. we just took turns in holding him and comforting him...at one point some random drunk guy came in and asked jessie to take a picture and nearly sat on the little guy. we left heartbroken, and at the verge of tears. i think that kind of set the pace of the day, there were only a few attacks from the kids, some were sleeping, and some just wanted to be babied. it was much needed after a rough day before. i posted some pics, the one of festus and i is one of my new favorites, my wonderful jessie took it. she is so talented!

thank you again, for taking the time to check up on us and for your prayers and support. it gives us a new hope each day.

the baby haven.

2008-08-03T02:32:00.001-07:00

jessie and i paid a visit to the baby haven today. we were gretted at the gate by a chubby little girl named martha. she walked with a little confident strut and immediately put her arms up to be held. there were 7 beautiful children sitting outside in the shade with the biggest smiles, and right away they were kissing and hugging us.

there is a 5 year old who is so small, he can only walk if you hold his hands. his legs sort of just fold together when he lies down or sits, and he is just the most bashful angel. i find myself drawn to be close to him at all times. the other kids are more outgoing and demand to be carried on your back or to be held, and festus just sits there (since he can't really physically get around like the others) and stares at you lovingly. he is just happy to rest against your back or to recieve smile or kiss.

it was a bit difficult at times, due to their disease and the lack of attention they get from the outside world...the kids would punch us and kick us. it would actually hurt, and at one point, jessie and i had a pile of kids on us and one little boy named zolani, approached us with a shoe and a large plastic toy and attemted to throw it at our faces. it is so sad to see this and to feel the repercusions of their state of being. they will do anything to get your attention, and if that means by hurting you, they will do it. so we spent much time being beat up, getting bit, and comforting other children who were getting hurt too. you don't want to choose who to hold and who to baby, because you just want to love them all, so i find my heart torn between all of them.

this place of shelter is surely a comfort to them, and i am so grateful to the days we will spend in loving on the children....even if it requires us coming home with a black eye or a broken collar bone hahaha.

last day up north.

2008-08-02T01:56:00.000-07:00

i am back in windhoek for a couple of days. i picked up jesse from the airport and we enjoyed the namibiam culture in the city. it is so different from the north...and i miss being in ondangwa. we were able to pay a visit to the baby haven after some searching, and the blessing of a little child that led the way. we made it to the area and once we were there we had no clue where to go, so we stopped at a school to ask if they knew where it was. we recieved no input from the teachers and as we were leaving a little girl followed us to the taxi and described where it was....and we found the blue little house and were able to come in contact with the supervisors and we will return there today and help out.

the kids were small, but full of so much joy and curiousity. we almost left with one of them, he kept copying everything jesse would say. we will plan on staying here the rest of the week and volunteering there, and then return to the north and see the family up north again.

thank you for your prayers....our internet is slow at uploading photos...so sorry for the delay. miss you all dearly.

these pictures were taken my last day there, Ndamungululwa loved playing with my hair and wanted to make look "very nice, " as she would say in her accent. after a good hour this was her result. i love this little girl, and i want to bring her home with me hahaha.

ondangwa.

2008-08-01T03:47:00.000-07:00

"In the face of the oppressed I recognize my own face, and in the hands of the oppressor I recognize my own hands. Their flesh is my flesh, their blood is my blood, their pain is my pain, their smile is my smile. " -Henry Nouwen

i arrived in ondangwa on friday. it was a 9 hour bus ride, but this was not your ordinary bus. there are things you see on this bus that you don't see every day. i saw extraordinary things and throughout the ride there, we would make the most random stops. at times, i was scared to get off the bus for a bathroom break, because i was scared that when i got back the bus would be gone. however, i made it to ondangwa and was greeted by one of the most wonderful person i will ever meet, my namibian sister maggie. when we arrived to her place, her younger sister josephine and her niece Ndamangululwa Konghenda Yomwa (her name means God set me Free) were waitng outside for us. They are so beautiful and Ndamangululwa has so much joy and is always singing and dancing. There is no electricity here so the first night we just ate and cooked in the dark. i really couldn't see what we were eating but it involved us eating with our hands and it had the consistancy of play-dough.

this world is unlike any world i have ever been in, and i am learning so much from them. they have hardly anything and yet everything they have they offer to me. actyally, take back that statement, they have EVERYTHING i want, and i hope to learn everything. they are so rich in spirit and are so young and yet so alive in who they are. i am trying to live as they live, an not take shortcuts with the things that i have. i had a snack bag of wheat thins that i have been craving since my time here, but i would rather eat what they eat...and then leave the food for them when i leave. i feel so helpless at times, not knowing how to cook or wash my own clothes...i haven't bathed in a week because i don't know how to keep the neighborhood children from following me when i try to hide with my bowl of water and bathe. or maybe its just that i love being with them all, that i always want to be in their company.i came in hope, that i might encourge them, and yet i am the one who leaves with so much faith and love. it is scary at times being here and having people follow you or try to grab you becausee you look different and yet my fear is diminishing because the love i get from my namibian sisters. tomorrow my dear jesse arrives and i am so happy to be able to have a chance to share this love with another person. i am a bit homesick, and i miss my family and friends and yet i know that i have so much more to learn and love here. thank you so much for your prayers. i will update more tomorrow.

london baby.

2008-07-22T07:31:00.000-07:00

as you can see, it is a breathtaking sight. my layover didn't give me enough time to get to the tube and go into town....so i am bored out of my mind. i had a bit of trouble at the security and arrivals checkpoint. so half of my belongings are now in a big trash can. there have been quite a few of security alerts due to people just not wanting to be nice to the staff and people not wanting to have their bags searched. i have made an extra effort to smile at every airport staff and apologize (since i was standing in the middle of one of the arrests). london is exciting.

i leave for south africa in a couple of hours. please be praying!